the longest game of hide&seek..

Gosh, I was doing so well.. But I come home and as soon as me and my mom get on the "cody" subject, Bam! Here come the flow of tears that I thought I wasn't going to have to go through this time.. She makes it seem like I don't know how much I need to get past him and what he thinks of me, but even though I know this, doesn't mean that it helps me get over it! 

Why can't anyone see this? Its just me, I can't get past something that is such a mystery. I still don't know what I did to deserve the heartbreak I've been through. And I can't help being worried that now that he has the "girl he broke up with me for," I will be nothing to him. It hurts to think someone you loved might be erasing you from his mind simply because he loves this new girl more than he ever loved you.. And even that statement hurts to think about, but I can get past that a lot better than him forgetting me and making me seem worthless. 

I know I have no way of knowing if he ever really thinks this about me, and my mom is worried about this stuff consuming me.. But I don't think it is, I think it just hurts me when I think about it, isn't that typical? 

One thing my mom said that hit me pretty hard was.. "Chelsey, you aren't happy and you haven't been truly happy in a long, long time." I mean deep down I know this, but it kills to think that I haven't felt happiness for over seven months now... :( and to have the statement said out loud puts it completely out there, you know? It makes that fact even more true..

How do I find happiness when I don't even remember the feeling?